Common symptoms or experiences during life transitions

  • Noticeable increases in stress, feeling chronically overwhelmed

  • Mental overload and emotional overwhelm

  • Insomnia or trouble sleeping

  • Changes in physical health, appetite, or weight gain/loss

  • Imposter syndrome

  • Depression or anxiety

  • Loss of social support

  • Uncertainty about the future and how to plan

  • Serious financial strain or lack of adequate resources

  • Shouldering new or unwanted responsibilities and pressures

  • Significant lifestyle disruptions and no sense of routine

  • Feeling inadequate, loss of self-trust or confidence

  • Grief over life change or prior identity

  • Increased self criticism, self-doubt, and decision paralysis

  • Anger, irritability, burnout, or ambivalence

  • Relationship strain or conflict

  • Return of unwanted old habits or patterns

Change is hard and it doesn’t come with an instruction manual

Change is hard, because it often means upheaval, uncertainty, sometimes loss - and often a period of chaos or adjustment where we don’t know which way is up. There’s no instruction manual, because everyone experiences life transitions differently. Sometimes it’s a single life event, other times it can be a slow shift into new life chapter. And once we get our bearings, it may happen again. Even when life transitions are expected they can be a challenge, such as becoming an empty nester or retirement. Even if some transitions are the right decisions, such as a breakup or divorce, they can be painful, messy, and uproot everything you knew that was familiar. Even hard-earned or celebrated transitions like promotions, marriages, and a new addition to the family have their own sets of difficulties - and any struggle in these moments can get hidden under the rug because the pressure to be happy and grateful is so strong. And then the life-altering, devastating life transitions: the unexpected diagnosis or athletic injury, the sudden layoff, the death of a loved one. A universal truth we can learn to expect in life is that change happens. And most change is hard to navigate on your own because we don’t yet have perspective or a new normal.

What is resiliency? An “ordinary magic”

The word resiliency is thrown around a lot, and there’s actually no singular definition. Is it a trait? A process, or a practice? An outcome? Is it only individual or can it also be collective? All of the above? Resiliency as a quality or active practice is often admired in others, but the truth is no one enjoys the adverse or vulnerable experiences often associated with “resiliency building”. A common definition of resiliency is adapting and coping with life’s various challenges. But it’s essential to acknowledge that this framework privileges a hyper-individualistic way of being that often emphasizes internal perseverance or overcoming - which is not always possible, fair, or helpful. Resiliency is different for each person and across each situation. It can entail things like flexibility, wisdom, stable relationships, emotion regulation, recovery, safety, functioning systems, and so much more. Resiliency is affected by epigenetics, psychosocial factors, personality, environments, and the resources or systems we have access to. Everyone can grow in resiliency, and life transitions are often the most common moments for it, whether we choose the transitions or not. Ann Masten calls resiliency an “ordinary magic”.

Common stress-related disorders

While everyone experiences stress with life transitions, if your stress is overwhelming for an ongoing period of time, you may be struggling with what’s called an adjustment disorder. Adjustment disorders are directly connected to the stressor - once the stressor ends, the symptoms dissipate.

  • Adjustment disorders are characterized by marked emotional and behavioral symptoms 3 months following an identifiable life stressor. Symptoms get in the way of daily functioning, relationships, or school and work responsibilities and resolve within 6 months after the stressor ends. Adjustment disorders can also have specific features unique to your experience, such as the ones below.

    • with depressed mood

    • with anxiety

    • with mixed anxiety and depressed mood

    • with disturbance of conduct

    • with mixed disturbance of emotions and conduct

A multicultural note: cultural toxic positivity during life transitions

The American dream is rooted in enduring optimism, and our language is full of sayings like “stay positive”, “good vibes only”, “look on the bright side” and the juicing advice to turn lemons into lemonade. Openness to situations working out, a nod to gratitude, or focusing on resourcefulness can be a helpful perspective shift, especially in response to runaway anxiety. But it can be sorely misused and land like a tone-deaf punch if you’re in the midst of disorienting life transitions. When the pressure to be positive is pushed on you to bypass the emotional pain of a tough moment, it makes everything worse. As mentioned above, nearly all life transitions come with uncertainties, challenges, and a whole range of understandable feelings - including ambivalence, anger, sadness, grief, disappointment, and anxiety. The pressure to stay only positive encourages people to be inauthentic and isolate during key experiences of their life. Having space to be completely honest and validate all parts of your experiences and emotions is key to healthy processing, adapting, and genuine support.

How can therapy during a life transition help me?

There can be the misperception that since everyone goes through life transitions, we’re supposed to know how to handle them when it’s our turn. It’s simply not true. Therapy during a life transition can make a huge difference. Therapy can help you figure out what the best ways are for you to cope and respond in your particular situation as it’s happening, especially during a time that you may lack perspective or mistrust your instincts. Choosing to be in therapy during a life transition (instead of after the fact) can change how you look back on this moment in the future. Working with a therapist can be practical, such as helping you identify creative solutions, focusing on what’s within your control, and provide suggestions for resources or social support you may not have thought of before. It can be extraordinarily reassuring to receive professional feedback that what you’re going through or feeling isn’t unusual or unhealthy, even if it’s uncomfortable. Or that what you’re trying is exactly what’s recommended - and that it’s a matter of persisting with the right supports to make it through. Therapy can also help you with what’s happening in your internal world - not only processing what this life transition means to you, but also how it may be reshaping your roles, values, or sense of self in new ways. Therapy for life transitions can be short-term and solutions focused or be open-ended and attuned to your changing needs - especially if your therapist is supporting you through an unexpected life event or navigating grief. While few people intentionally seek opportunities to strengthen their resiliency, discovering that you can be is a powerful experience.

Finding a therapist for life transitions in NYC - we’d love to help

Life transitions are already challenging and often painful by themselves - there’s no need to increase your suffering by struggling through alone. Our team of psychologists at Manhattan Therapy Collective are trained in a number of relational, multicultural, and evidence based therapy approaches that are effective during life transitions, such as Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, and Dialectical Behavioral Therapy. We encourage you to reach out for support - we’d love to connect with you and answer your questions. Major life transitions can mean a temporary absence of perspective, confidence, and optimism. Or it can seem as though you’re expected to handle them independently and without help. Therapy can provide clarity, remind or help you discover your strengths, validate your whole range of emotions, and encourage hope for what’s next.

 

Common questions about therapy for life transitions

 

  • It’s hard to come up with a comprehensive list, but the short answer is - all of them.

    Some example include: moving, career changes, divorce or separation, pregnancy or having a/another child, adoption, a work promotion, getting engaged or married, purchasing or selling a home, leaving a religious community or faith practice, perimenopause, death of a loved one, navigating a new diagnosis or personal health crisis, taking on caretaking responsibilities of an elderly parent or chronically ill partner, retirement, becoming a stay at home parent, graduation, starting a new business venture, being laid off, etc.

  • It really depends on you and your situation. Our therapists always prioritize helping you identify your goals and what you’re hoping to get out of therapy when you start. Therapy can truly be short-term, such as 2-3 months, or as long as you need.

  • You can, and some people benefit greatly from being able to discuss their thoughts, feelings, and plan prior to a major change in their lives. Others prefer to identify their major concerns first before finding a therapist. There’s no right answer. We suggest that you reflect on when you’re most likely to get the most out of working with a therapist and the scheduling of regular, weekly sessions. We also encourage you to pay attention to your mental health - if you are beginning to struggle with increasing anxiety or depression, we do recommend that you reach out.