How to Create Work-Life Balance: Tips from Therapists
By Angela Gwak, PhD., Peggy Loo, PhD., Eleanor McGlinchey, PhD., & Laura Meli, PhD
What comes to mind when someone says “good work-life balance”? Frustration with your current work situation? A plan for some much-needed life tweaks? An eye-roll and shrug at the impossibility? We get it. Work-life balance is one of those phrases that usually elicits some reaction - because it’s challenging for most of us and makes us take a hard look in the mirror. We want to normalize that we have these reactions too (and did while writing this!) and that’s completely okay! In fact, while a look in the mirror can be tough - we encourage you to take whatever reaction you had as an opportunity to reflect.
From a mental health perspective, we know that work can be a powerful source of self-esteem, empowerment, purpose, and identity. Feeling productive, moving forward on professional goals, being a part of a successful team - these are all feel-good moments. As therapists, we also know that work is often a primary source of anxiety, burnout, and stress. All of which take a serious toll on mental health. With that in mind, prioritizing small steps to strengthen work-life balance is a way to take care of your overall wellbeing. (Spoiler alert: we don’t aim for perfect balance, but we do encourage you to try a few things that will move the needle in a healthier direction!)
A common understanding of work-life balance is approaching work in a way that you can meaningfully engage in life apart from your job. The “life” aspect may vary from person to person, but the assumption is that “all work and no play” isn’t what’s best for your wellbeing. In contrast, living a life where you choose multiple priorities or roles in addition to professional ones is (for lack of a better word) life-giving! Just as it wouldn’t make sense to work out the same muscle group to the neglect of others, or to work out without incorporating a day of rest or complimentary activity (stretching, strength training) - our wellbeing is positively impacted when we have a diet of diverse activity and rest on our plates.
Examples of work-life balance
We encourage you to think flexibly about work-life balance. Perhaps a better phrase is work-life integration or fluidity. Think about what else you can incorporate to your weekly schedule that can not only positively impact your work self - but leave room for your other selves. Being open to a range of activity levels from extremely productive to rest and leisure. We know that what may feel like work-life balance for you in one stage of life may be completely different in another (e.g., think about what’s realistic at a first job versus graduate school versus becoming a parent). Work-life balance can also mean practical planning or a relational focus. For example, making sure that you use your vacation time throughout the year rather than letting it roll over. Or prioritizing time (or whatever can give you extra time) for relationships or family on weekends.
We asked our team of therapists, What practical tips or thoughts would you offer someone who wants to take a small step towards work-life balance? Here are some their responses.
Practical thoughts & tips on work-life balance
Thought #1: Work-life balance can be in the small moments.
Dr. Gwak: I see many high achieving clients for therapy who often ask me whether it is at all possible to have a good work-life balance, especially when living in a busy city with jobs that are so time consuming and demanding. I agree with them that it may seem impossible due to immediate deadlines and expectations to meet. The idea of clocking out from work on weekdays at a reasonable time in order to seek out self-care options can seem unrealistic during crunch time.
If this is the case for you, I do want to still encourage you to fight (yes, literally fight!) for your time to focus on your inner wellbeing. Not saying that it’s easy, but it could be a short 5-minute deep breathing exercise to help you with relaxation, a short walk around the block, or mindfulness exercise that centers around increasing compassionate self-talk. I would also encourage you to be fully aware and accept that it is indeed a busy phase at work but remind yourself that you do have the power to make intentional choices to allow yourself a small pause in between work hours. For a couple of minutes, perhaps you could turn off your computer to check in with yourself and extend some words of encouragement, compassion and kindness. There are a ton of online short meditation apps and videos you can listen to as well. Perhaps, you may want a small break to sip a cup of tea without reading emails or attending to work, just simply enjoying the aroma and taste of your drink. These small moments may be the only feasible things you can do for now, but they could well make a difference to help you recharge and sustain a sense of your wellbeing through busy seasons.
Thought #2: Work-life balance can include intentional delays.
Dr. McGlinchey: At some point I read or heard that if a task takes less than five minutes, you should just do it right away. I've recently decided that does not work for me - if I have many five-minute tasks, then I just end up doing all of those and never have time for the larger items on my to-do list that I desire to accomplish. This often leaves me feeling at the end of the day that I was too busy and yet unproductive. Instead, I've started asking myself before each task, "Do I need to do this now?" This tiny bit of reflection on my to-do's throughout the day has helped me to feel more agency over what I am doing throughout my work day rather than feeling swept up by all the work and life tasks that come at me.
Thought #3: Work-life balance can start with letting yourself off the hook.
Dr. Meli: Most of the time, we only really consider “work-life balance” when things are feeling uncomfortably out of balance. When work life or personal life (or any other part of life) begins to feel too cumbersome to hold, it’s common to shift into “fix-it”mode with a self-critical mindset. The problem-solver response is a natural and understandable impulse when things feel out of whack – feeling stressed and overwhelmed is unpleasant, so you’d like to return to a state of balance and comfort. Your emotions are leading the way saying, “I hate this feeling! Do better and make it stop!” The problem is that work-life imbalance isn’t always a you problem! Yes, you heard me right – your overflowing to do list is not a moral failure! Sometimes life’s demands simply outweigh our capacities – no matter how hard we work, how perfectly we optimize, or what new planner we buy (that last one is mostly a note for myself!).
This more objective and less self-critical perspective on work-life balance can be hard to acknowledge and accept (particularly for my dear perfectionists and people pleasers – I see you!). However, this very perspective is particularly important when any part of life is feeling overwhelming. With the balance of an emotional perspective (“I don’t like feeling this way and I want it to stop”) and a rational perspective (“The demands are outweighing my capacities right now”), you can more easily arrive at an effective solution - without the painful and ineffective self-inflicted guilt trip. If you’d like to take a small, practical step toward work-life balance, remember that sometimes life’s demands simply outweigh our capacities. To help move back toward balance, allow yourself to put something down, take something off the list, or slow down. If you simply can’t find a way to reduce the demands during this season of life, consider what it might look like or feel like to do things with 5% less effort or energy. When we’re feeling out of balance, even a little bit less demand can go a long way.
Thought #4: Work-life balance can include asking for help and support.
Dr. Loo: I can be guilty of seeing work-life balance as becoming the ultimate evolved version of myself. It’s always a version of me that is extraordinarily productive yet boundaried, present, well-rested, and with restorative weekend plans that perfectly suit my need for people time and alone time. You know what’s interesting about imaginary me with great work-life balance? In my head, I’m always totally self-reliant in achieving it! I’ve come by it through the perfect combination of things: excellent decision-making, time management, foresight, values-driven action, and self-awareness. In reality, I often need outside help and perspective recalibrating work-life balance. Sometimes this means getting advice (yes, therapists ask for advice) from people who know me well. Or are more experienced. Or asking for assistance on something I was trying to muscle through alone so I can spend less time on it. Sometimes it means investing in hobbies with a friend, because their presence reminds me of the balance I’m striving for. (And that I have somewhere else to be instead of working longer or skipping out.) Discovering work-balance isn’t something that you have to figure out on your own -those that love and care about you may be happy to brainstorm! Consider asking for help and support trying out some new changes to your life.
Experiencing burnout? Consider therapy for work-life balance
For many of us, work-life balance is something that requires continual reflection and readjustment. Whether your work in this season involves going to a full-time job or class, freelancing, parenting, caregiving responsibilities, or volunteering - chances are you’ve had moments where you’ve wondered if what you’re doing is supportive of your mental health. It can also feel daunting to even imagine some work-life balance, especially if you’ve got a lot on your plate, none of which feels unimportant or optional. We encourage you to reach out to our team of therapists and learn more about how therapy can help. New perspective and compassionate support can promote new strategies and patterns that nourish all parts of who you are - at work and outside of it.
About the Authors: Drs. Gwak, Loo, McGlinchey, & Meli are psychologists at Manhattan Therapy Collective. Having survived doctoral-level training for years, they know a thing or two about the challenges of work-life balance. They enjoy helping adults take steps towards work-life balance in whatever stage of life they’re in.