How Best to Cope with Change
By Miklos Hargitay, PsyD., Aasha Foster-Mahfuz, PhD., Eleanor McGlinchey, PhD & Peggy Loo, PhD
It’s pretty safe to say that everyone has been thrown a curveball in 2020.
In January, our team offered perspectives on what can be hard about making change happen as we entered the new year and thought about New Years resolutions.
It was truly a different time - and a different world then. Months later - we reflect and offer some thoughts on dealing with unexpected change. These are a different variety - the ones we never imagined, never sought, and perhaps continue to be painful or feel unreal.
Each of our psychologists responded to the question:
In a year of significant adjustment and transition - what encouragement or advice would you give about coping with change?
Here at MTC, we are still learning, still growing, and still committed to helping you face change through 2020.
Get perspective
Dr. Hargitay: Practice "zooming in" and "zooming out" mentally when finding yourself struggling in a situation as a way to gain perspective and see your circumstance from many angles. An example of "zooming in" would be paying attention to the day to day, moment by moment experiences. This can be exemplified in meditation, deep breathing, and reflecting on that day’s thoughts and feelings about an unexpected change. An example of "zooming out" would be to mentally place yourself along a longer timeline, such as month by month, year by year, and so on. This can be a reminder of the fleeting and impermanent nature of time. By switching perspectives, you can avoid getting stuck in "tunnel vision" when trying to problem solve or navigate change.
Learn grounding strategies
Dr. Foster-Mahfuz: I sometimes encourage clients to think of themselves as a buoy in the middle of the ocean as a metaphor for dealing with uncertain times or changes. Buoys are anchored far below the water’s surface and built to ride the waves on top - this setup provides stability and a way to learn important information about the weather conditions above. It can also be helpful to remember that chaos and upheaval also have their own rhythmic ebbs and flows. Learning to stay anchored (to what remains consistent or constant in our lives) yet buoyant, flexible, and receptive to what’s around can help all of us remain afloat even with the most chaotic waves.
The benefits of giving up control
Dr. McGlinchey: It may sound a bit cliché but I think flexibility is still the word of the day. I used to think I was pretty good at being flexible – 2020 has been showing me otherwise. I used to think if I was anxious or stressed I could rely on one of my go-to self-care strategies, no matter the circumstances. Without many of those things available, can I still be okay while stressed? Sometimes the answer felt like “NO!” But I’ve been surprised with new ways I’ve learned to be okay. In addition, it may seem obvious but I also went back to my favorite way of coping with unexpected change - making sure I’m prioritizing sleep. I’ve even enjoyed being able to better align my wake up time with my preferred circadian rhythm - I’m more of a night owl than my previous schedule allowed but I’m leaning into it now to great success and comfort. While I can be stressed and irritated by unexpected changes, I’m learning to name all the ways that such changes has resulted in trying new things and greater psychological flexibility.
Prioritize relationships and increasing your social network
Dr. Loo: Change is hard enough when we expect it or choose it - when it’s unexpected (and often unwanted), it can feel even more exhausting and destabilizing. Don’t face it alone. It can be easy when we are dealing with change to put off time with friends or family as something for later (aka “when things calm down” or “when I have more energy”), but prioritizing relationships may do more good than you think. Not only is it a natural and important avenue for emotional support, but talking to someone else facilitates the organization of your thoughts and encourages an additional perspective you may not have had on your own (even if it’s just considering what your situation sounds like to your listener!) One of the key ways that we start to make meaning of unexpected changes is using language, or putting words to our experiences. While it may feel like extra work to keep others in the loop and share - verbalizing our experiences to others creates important connections - for ourselves and with others - which can go a long way to help us process and deal with change.
About the Therapists: Drs Hargitay, Foster-Mahfuz, McGlinchey, and Loo are licensed psychologists at Manhattan Therapy Collective. They want to normalize that change is hard and it’s okay to hate it. They remain committed to helping you through all the big and small changes of 2020.